April Fool's Special
Centaur skeleton unearthed! Or maybe not ...
from the Daily Illuminator
Remember that report about the shuttle having the landing gear backwards? Looks like "NASA goofed again"
from Freaking News
In the news, a researcher proposed that one of the factors in the dinosaurs dying out was from a lack of females. - AOL News item
Well, one would think if they were dying out, of course there would be a lack of girl dinos.
Actualy, what the researcher stated was that temperatures help determine the sex of what the hatchling of an egg will be in some reptiles. Too cold, and you get mostly males or all males. It seems these reptiles lack the "more stabilizing influence" of the Y chromosone.
Apparently, this is "Y" nature came up with it.
Our newer, high-speed computer was in for repairs, and my son was forced to work on our old 386 model with the black- and-white printer. "I can't stand it, Mom," he complained to me one day, "this is like we're living back in the twentieth century."
from "Clean Laffs"
"for those who have a hard time tearing themselves from the computer to answer "nature's call" ..."
from topgreetings.com
Star Trek takes on light bulbs
How many VULCANS does it take to change a light bulb ?
Aproximately One Point Zero Zero Zero Zero .......
How many BAJORANS does it take to change a light bulb ?
The filthy Cardassians took our light bulb !
How many KLINGONS does it take to change a light bulb ?
Burned out light bulbs have NO honor. And a true Klingon Warrior is not afraid of the dark !
How many TRILLS does it take to change a light bulb ?
Both of them.
How many BORG does it take to change a light bulb ?
Light bulbs are irrelevant. Changing them is futile.
.....
How many BETAZOIDS does it take to change a light bulb ?
I sense it has already changed.
How many ROMULANS does it take to change a light bulb ?
We have been gone for a while, but we have returned to change it.
How many FEDERATION SHUTTLE PILOTS does it take to change a light bulb?
Ooooops ! I dropped it !
How many Q's does it take to change a light bulb ?
Here, now, Wouldn't you rather have this Super-Nova ?
How many ODO's does it take to change a light bulb ?
I will change INTO the light bulb.
.....
How many Ferengi does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two: one to do it and the other to sell the broken one to an unsuspecting customer.
How many Betazoids does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two: one to do it and the other to moan "darkness, I sense darkness!"
How many Romulans does it take to change a light bulb?
2, one to change it and one to kill the other and take the credit.
How many Betazoids does it take to change a light bulb?
No, no. no. The light bulb has to _want_ to change first.
How many TRIBBLES does it take to change a light bulb ?
1,561,772 .......uhh,72....,ummm,73......74......
.....
How many first officers does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally one, but if that is Riker it then it takes 2, Riker to pose while the other changes the light bulb.
How many Ferengi does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One to screw it in and another to sell tickets to watch.
How many DOCTOR McCOYS does it take to change a lightbulb?
"G-dd-mit, Jim; I'm a DOCTOR, not an electrician!"
How many Trekkers does it take to change a light bulb ?
Okay, so ,y'know, like, in that episode wher Spock gets attacked by those vomit looking things, and, like, he starts doing weird stuff, like, he takes over the ship and it gets Kirk really mad, so they find out that they can use this super-bright light, but it was bogus, 'cause McCoy used the wrong kind of light, and it makes Spock blind, so, like......what kind of light bulb are you talking about ??
from "Archae"
In the news, scientists are looking into how the brain reacts to today's political ads.
So far, cat scans are showing a similarity to the reaction from encountering a fresh load of manure.
"When E-voting Goes Bad" - various outtakes
from Freaking News
"It's painfully accurate"
from from "Jewels"
from Freaking News
In the news, researchers are working on a way to turn manure into fuel oil.
So is Washington DC about to become a major energy source?
A Star Wars fan's dream set of wheels - "The H-Wing Carfighter"
from the Daily Illuminator
from top-greetings.com
In the news of Friday April 9, 2004, tornadoes hit the vicinity of Roswell.
So Dorthy meets the little green men?
In the news, the government has given out the first license for a private rocket, intended for the X-Prize competition - News Item
So is the govenment is planning police rockets to occasionaly pull them over in space to make sure they have them?
As a professor at Texas A & M, I taught during the day and did research at night. I would usually take a break around nine, however, calling up the strategy game Warcraft on the Internet and playing with an on-line team.
One night I was paired with a veteran of the game who was a master strategist. With him at the helm, our troops crushed opponent after opponent, and after six games we were undefeated. Suddenly my fearless leader informed me his mom wanted him to go to bed. "How old are you?" I typed.
"Twelve," he replied. "How old are you?"
Feeling my face redden, I answered, "Eight."
from topgreetings.com
Why Engineers Don't Write Recipe Books
Chocolate Chip Cookies:
Ingredients:
1. 532.35 cm3 gluten
2. 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
3. 4.9 cm3 refined halite
4. 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
5. 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
6. 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
7. 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
8. Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
9. 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
10. 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)
To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.
Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston's first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown. Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.
from the webmaster's Dad
from top-greetings.com
"What's up Doc?" - "Bunny ears" on Mars