Know anyone like this? - "Flame Warriors"
from C. Howard
Assume you drive your car at light speed. What happens when you turn on the head lights?
from Jokesgalore
"Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly."
-- Conan O'Brien Clean Laffs
"Which Mouse?"
from top-greetings.com
With all the talk about CIA blunders in Iraq, recently a stunning Cold War success was declassified.
In the early 80's, the Soviets were building a natural gas pipeline from Siberia to Western Europe, which would have both given them control of it's energy supplies and provide billions in revenue. The US Regan administration was not too happy about this. Neither was French President Mitterrand, whom managed to get a hold of evidence showing the Soviets secretely buying electronic parts through third parties.
Instead of deporting those involved, one man in the CIA suggested "Why not help the Soviets with their shopping?" And so, parts with carefuly hidden flaws were sold to the secret suppliers. Most notably, computer control equipment for the pipeline, which was programed with a "Trojan Horse," which was "programed ... to reset pump speeds and valve settings" to raise pressure on the pipeline joints far more than they were designed to hold.
"The result was the most momumental non-nuclear explosion ... ever seen from space."
The ultimate computer virus attack, and sadly the hackers at the CIA had to keep quiet about it for years. Typical of them, when they get it right, they can't talk about it.
quote from a commentary in the Virginian Pilot
"How to bring a PC home in a sub-compact car."
from top-greetings.com
My wife and her friend, Karen, were talking about their labor- saving devices as they pulled into our driveway. Karen said, "I love my new garage-door opener."
"I love mine too," my wife replied, and she honked the horn three times.
That was the signal for me to come out and open the garage.
from top-greetings.com
Valentines Day Special:
In the news, a diamond about 2,500 miles across has been found in space: News Item.
And jewelry lovers everywhere are petitioning for big raises for NASA's budget.
"Honey, that's not the scale."
Dave Bradley, the inventor of the "Control-Alt-Delete" function that allows one to deal with frozen programs, was at a pannel of tech icons some years ago, including Bill Gates. Of his program, Bradley "cracked one of the funiest lines in the computer age, ... 'I may have invented it, but Bill made it famous.' "
"One person who didn't laugh, AP reported, was Bill Gates"
from the Virginian Pilot
In the news, the owner of the infamous witehouse.com porn site has decided to sell it - News item
He says the reason is a combination of improving market for websites and the uneasines of dealing with porn while having just become a parent of a kid.
Then again, he may have been influenced by a law making illegal the practice of making websites with misleading names to lure minors, "Every time kids do homework on the presidency, they type in dot-com."
In the news, a computer geek, instead of naming his kid after himself and "Jr." did so with "2.0" - News Item
And so, a kid is doomed to spend his entire childhood getting bullied around.
"You haven't answered my e-mails for a few days. Did your kids bust your computer?"
"Yeah. I had to take it to the shop. It had a worm in it."
"I thought they were a little young to know how to open e-mails."
"No, they stuck a worm in the disk drive."
The U.S. Postal Service issued a stamp honoring the one hundredth anniversary of the first flight by the Wright Brothers. The first man in powered flight was from Ohio, the first man ever to orbit Earth was from Ohio, and the first man on the moon was from Ohio.
It sounds like a lot of people are trying to get out of Ohio.
from topgreetings.com
"Mike Rowe, 17, thought it would be fun to add 'soft' to the end of his name to set up the site, mikerowesoft.com." - News item
The well-known computer company the name resembled soon found out, and asked it be taken down. In the end, Mike Rowe got a new site and a number of goodies, including an X-box.
"Mr Rowe was not able to comment on the settlement. His father said he was too busy with his exams. ... He wrote on his website, 'Sorry there hasn't been a lot of news posted by me lately, I have been very busy with school, exams, ... new website and settling with Microsoft.' "