After being on the phone forever with a customer who had been having difficulties with a computer program, a support technician at my mother's company turned in his report: "The problem resides between the keyboard and the chair."
from "Clean Laffs"
Music Industry going after file-swappers has gotten a bit of attention.
In the middle of this, Apple Music, the guys representing the surviving Beetles, are suing Apple Computer over IPod. Apple Music says Apple Computer promised to stay out of the music business, while Apple Computer insists the agreement applies only to the actual production of music.
And in the eyes of the public, this argument may make both Apples look a bit rotten.
"The Economists" from IB Laffing
"The Star Wars series of films have been voted the most influential movies of the last 75 years, in a poll for BBC News Online to mark the 75th Academy Awards. " - News Item.
Guess the Force was with them.
Funny thing, the news site with this article had a cell-phone ad.
"Excuse me, Sir."
"Is that you again, Moses?"
"I'm afraid it is, Sir."
"What is it this time, Moses; more computer problems?"
"How did you guess?"
"I don't have to guess, Moses. Remember ?"
"Oh, yes; I forgot."
"Tell me what you want, Moses."
"But you already know, Sir. Remember?"
"Moses!"
"Well, go ahead, Moses; spit it out."
"Well, I have a question, Sir. You know those ten 'things' you sent me via e-mail?"
"You mean the Ten Commandments, Moses?"
"That's it. I was wondering if they are important.""What do you mean 'if they are important,' Moses? Of course, they are important. Otherwise, I would not have sent them to you."
"Well, sorry, Sir, but I lost them. I could say the dog ate them; but, of course, you would see right through that."
"What do you mean you 'lost them'? Are you trying to tell me you didn't save them, Moses?"
"No, Sir; I forgot."
"You should always save, Moses."
"Yes, I know. You told me that before. I was going to save them, but I forgot. I did forward them to some people before I lost them though."
"And did you hear back from any of them?"
"You already know I did. There was the one guy who said he never uses 'shalt not.' May he change the words a little bit?"
"Yes, Moses, as long as he does not change the meaning."
"And what about the guy who thought your stance was a little harsh, and recommended calling them the 'Ten Suggestions,' or letting people pick one or two to try for a while?"
"Moses, I will act as if I did not hear that."
"I think that means 'no.' Well, what about the guy who said I was scamming him?"
"I think the term is 'spamming,' Moses."
"Oh, yes. I. E-mailed him back and told him I don't even eat that stuff, and I have no idea how you can send it to someone through a computer."
"And what did he say?"
"You know what he said. He used Your name in vain. You don't think he might have sent me one of those -- err -- plagues, and that's the reason I lost those ten 'things', do you?"
"They are not plagues; they are called 'viruses,' Moses."
"Whatever! This computer stuff is just too much for me. Can we go back to those stone tablets? It was hard on my back taking them out and reading them each day, but at least I never lost them."
"We will do it the new way, Moses; using computers!!"
"I was afraid you would say that, Sir."
"Moses, what did I tell you to do if you messed up?"
"You told me to hold up this rat and point it toward the computer."
"It's a mouse, Moses, not a rat. Mouse! Mouse! And did you do that?"
"No, I decided to try calling technical support first. After all, who knows more about this stuff than you? And I really like your hours. By the way, Sir, did Noah have two of these mice on the ark?"
"No, Moses."
"One other thing. Why did you not name them 'frogs' instead of 'mice,' because did you not tell me the thing they sit on is a pad?"
"I did not name them, Moses. Man did, and you can call yours a frog if you want to."
"Oh, that explains it. I bet some woman told Adam to call it a mouse. After all, was it not a woman who named one of the computers 'Apple?'"
"Say good night, Moses."
"Wait a minute, Sir. I am pointing the mouse, and it seems to be working. Yes, a couple of the ten 'things' have come back."
"Which ones are they, Moses?"
"Let me see. 'Thou shalt not steal from any grave an image' and 'Thou shalt not uncover Thy neighbor's wife.'"
"Turn the computer off, Moses. I'm sending you another set of stone tablets
from the Webmaster's Dad
" A dimwitted duo of burglars thought the laser they had stolen earlier would cut right through the safe of a Maryland grocery store. Maybe they had wrong setting or maybe the safe was stronger than they had anticipated. When the police arrived, the two were still hunched over the safe, trying to cut through to the money inside. The police confiscated the laser and the two admitted they had stolen it from an amusement center earlier in the day. It was a "Lazer-Tag" gun, a battery operated toy, and the two had been shining it's harmless light on the safe for nearly an hour before the police had arrived."
from "Fungirl"
" War on Terror" - a new twist on an old web game.
In the news, some researchers developed software to allow users to log on by laughing
On September 8, the music industry began it's crackdown on music donloaders by taking over 200 to court.
Far from being intimidated, if online comments are any guide, the downloaders are still defiant.
"They can have my MP3s when they pry my mouse from my cold, dead, fingers."
And now a computer software guaranteed not to do anything wrong ... or right for that matter.
"For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press 3."
- Alice Kahn from "Clean Laffs"
.....
from Kathy
There was a discovery about quark quantum physics the other day. - News Item
Aside from the complicated details, the article also noted one of the leading people in the discovery was named "Hicks."
Looks like science is for rednecks too.
"Was anybody scared by the news yesterday of a possible asteroid strike in 2014? Did anybody hear about the possible asteroid strike in 2014? If you did, and you were, you can relax.
"Experts at NASA were saying that a mile-wide asteroid they observed in deep space, about ten years away from us and traveling at a brisk 20 miles-per-second, had a 1 in 900,000 chance of smashing into Earth in March, 2014.
"More accurate observations have reduced that likelihood to zero. Officials at NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory said, 'Sorry about that.'
"Maybe they're planning another asteroid disaster movie in 2004 and they're trying to drum up interest?"
from "Clean Laffs"
In the news, a mixed-sex embryo was created in the lab.
So if it went to term and grew up, could it marry itself?
In an era of disposable diapers, disposable plates and forks, disposable cameras - the disposable CD
From the creators of the Iraqi Information Minister site comes a new target - Arnold Scwartzenegger
It was inevitable - An ads only TV chanel