"Okay new computer, find ..."

.....

Anyone can build a treehouse, but what about a " mech-house?"

contributed by Alqua Kalina

Cloning a Human . . .

A scientist had been keeping a secret for over two decades -- he had sucessfully cloned a human being.

He kept meticulous records, raising the clone-child in his laboratory until it was an adult. Then he made his plans to unveil his creation at a meeting of top scientists, held in the luxurious facilities of a high-rise hotel.

When the time for his presentation came, the scientist stepped to the podium. He presented his data -- his pictures, his charts, his graphs -- to an amazed audience. But suddenly, instead of waiting for his cue to come forward, the clone stood up where he'd been sitting, and started shouting at the scientists assembled there.

This clone was an imaginative clone. He used language that would make a sailor blush, accusing his creator and all of his colleagues of the most amazing feats of perversion and vice.

Trying to regain control, the scientist ushered the clone out of the room and up to the roof of the hotel, where he hoped the clone's shouts would go unheard.

The clone would not listen to reason. He attacked the scientist's parentage, his sister, his mother...

Finally, the scientist snapped. He could bear it no longer. He rushed forward and with a mighty shove, pushed his creation off the roof of the hotel.

The police arrived promptly and arrested the scientist for (drum roll please) -

"making an obscene clone fall."

from Jokesgalore

"computer age art critics"

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"A year ago Beijing won its bid to host the 2008 Olympics, and it's been consumed with a frenzy of preparation ever since. Weather is a particular concern, since the city's eye-searing pollution almost nixed China's bid. So now Beijing is banishing polluting factories from city limits, planting trees to keep out dust blown in from the Gobi Desert and clamping down on vehicle emissions in hopes of guaranteeing blue skies by 2008." - Chinese look to weather manipulation to ensure optimum conditions for Olympics

But they admit their efforts have limits, "especially since 'dangerous missiles' are sometimes used," in cloud seeding, "Indeed, one rain-making attempt went awry earlier this year when a rocket fell through a villager's roof in northern China."

Obviously their plans have a few holes in them.

Guy #1: "You'll never believe this. If you play an AOL 7.0 CD *backwards* you can hear all kinds of evil and Satanic messages!"

Guy #2: "That's nothing. If you play it forwards, it installs AOL."

from Jokeman

"Nishiki Okimoto died yesterday. He was one of the primary engineers who worked on the first VCR. His funeral service will be at 12:00...12:00...12:00..."

-- Dennis Miller from "Clean Laffs"

"Aliens have a sense of humor too - ."

.....

"July 18 Ñ ÊAdding an extra version of a single gene makes mice grow big brains Ñ brains so large they have to fold up, much as human brains do, to fit inside the skull, researchers said..." - News Item

So if this research continues, will the expression "Are you a man or a mouse?" take on a whole new meaning?

"The US House of Representatives has approved a bill that inflicts harsh penalties for computer crimes that harm people or endanger America's critical infrastructure." - Hackers could face life in jail.

If they keep their computers, it may not be much of a punishment for some as they already spend most of their lives in a small room.

"STAR WARS - Peaceful Moments ...."

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French fries, donuts, and salad dressing all make for good snackin', but they are also rich in a not-so-new fuel source: vegetable oil. Natural, renewable resources such as soybean and canola oils and even restaurant greases are being transformed into biodiesel fuel.- Vegetable oil could be solution to Nation's fuel problems.

"Would you like fries with that?"

"Researchers say flexible, paper-thin screens could be ready in a few years." - News Article

First the floppy disk, now the floppy screen.

"You never wanted a chemistry set and now I can see why."

from the webmaster's Dad

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It was announced on July 15, 2002 that drkoop.com, which in the Internet boom was worth over a billion dollars, was sold for 186 thousand.

Another dot-com to dot-bomb.

"The Chinese government has announced they plan to put a rocket on the moon by 2010. I guess they are running out of room for their political prisoners."

"The Chinese rocket is a little different from ours. It doesn't go straight up. Instead it goes sort of sideways with a twirly motion and makes a whistle sound."

-- Jay Leno

from the "Jokeman"

Clock that follows cursor - "It won't feed the hungry, cure the sick, or get the spam off your computer. But it's neat. "

from the Daily Illuminator

"Since 1951, America's most precious documents had been secure behind glass, protected from skin oil, fingerprints, thieves and the biggest danger of all -- air. Surrounded by an atmosphere of pure helium, with only 1 percent water vapor, the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution and the Bill of Rights were preserved forever. So what were those little white flakes, like dandruff, that had begun appearing inside the sealed cases? And how to find out without breaking the airtight seals? "

The National Archives gave scientists in Langley Virginia the task of improving the job of protecting these papers from the ravages of time. News Item

"We The People in order to form a more perfect preservation ..."

"A group of publishers this week sued the Gator online advertising network in a bid to bar the company from serving pop-up ads on their Web sites without their permission." - News Item

And of course, this news article came with a pop-up.

"novice e-mailers."

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An ergonomics program at Elizabeth Blackwell Elementary in Sammamish is trying to prevent that by teaching students to take breaks during long computer sessions, to use correct posture to reduce strain on the upper body and to exercise fatigued muscles. It's one of the only such programs in the nation aimed at children. "Get TechFit!" was designed by Diane Tien, the school's instructional technology assistant, with help from some of the country's leading children ergonomists. - News Item

This is definately beyond the "end statements" and "strings" from my computer class.

"Several of the Internet's major news and information sites were under a denial of service attack today, keeping millions of Web users from accessing content." - News Item

Talk about your news critics ...

"...this isn't going to look good on our report."

from the Webmaster's Dad

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"Boeing Co engineers have designed a super-efficient aircraft that would look like a giant bat and slash the cost of air transport." Boeing's BWB -- a Super-Efficient Bat Jet

"Quick! To the Batwing!"

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