.....
bidbay.com recently settled a suit by e-bay, charging that bidbay was essentially an imitation of their site. They'll be changing their website's looks, and their name.
And how did they get the name "bidbay.com?" They bought it, off e-bay.
How To Tell If You're A HIGH-TECH REDNECK!
You take your net-connected cel phone to the outhouse to read your email.
Your e-mail address ends in ".over.yonder.com".
Your computer is worth more than all your cars combined.
Your presence on the World Wide Web is a "Down Home Page".
You tripled the value of your truck by installing a portable DVD.
You trim the kudzu back from your trailer so it won't mess up your DSL.
You even refer to your computer as "Ole Bessy".
Your screen saver is a bitmap image of your favorite tractor.
You start all your e-mails with the words "Howdy"
You can fix a trolling motor with a set of PC tools.
You've even used a CD-ROM as a coaster to set your beer can on.
The bumper sticker on your truck says "My other computer is a laptop".
You know that a 'network' has nothing to do with fishin'.
Your baseball cap has an Intel logo instead of "CAT".
You keep inventory of your truck parts, fishin' lures, and country music tapes in Excel.
You've got every font ever made that looks like Old West signs or wood plank fencing installed on your computer.
You have "Free Bird" and "Achy Breaky Heart" on the MP3 player in your truck.
You find yourself humming, "Well, the first thing you know, old Bill's a billionaire..."!
from William J. Lee
"One of the more far-out ways ... in operating a video-game is a controller that shocks the user when his character suffers damage on the screen. Mad Catz is the company selling the gadget called the Bioforce." Virginian Pilot, 2/2/02
"Mad Catz?" They got the first part of the company's name right.
from chiaweb.net
.....
One of those online quizes -
"Which D&D Character are you?" from "Neppyman"
I got "Chaotic Good Elf Bard/Ranger"
New research suggests that the frightening Tyrannosaurus Rex may not be as fast as once thought. Due to its six- ton weight and forty-foot length, scientists now believe that the dinosaur would not have been able to sprint...
... Next thing you know they'll be telling us King Kong couldn't have climbed the Empire State Building...
Comedy on Tap
" Capitalism ... Microsoft style "
from krisken.hpg.ig.com
.....
Undocumented Windows Errors, Part 1
*WinErr: 001 Windows loaded - System in danger
*WinErr: 002 No Error - Yet
*WinErr: 003 Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file
*WinErr: 004 Erronious error - Nothing is wrong
*WinErr: 005 Multitasking attempted - System confused
*WinErr: 006 Malicious error - Desqview found on drive
*WinErr: 007 System price error - Inadequate money spent on hardware
*WinErr: 008 Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments
from Coffeebreak
Undocumented Windows Errors, Part 2
*WinErr: 009 Horrible bug encountered - Noone knows what has happened
*WinErr: 00A Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full
*WinErr: 00B Inadequate disk space - Free at least 50MB
*WinErr: 00C Memory hog error - More Ram needed. More! More! More!
*WinErr: 00D Window closed - Do not look outside
*WinErr: 00E Window open - Do not look inside
*WinErr: 00F Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happened
*WinErr: 010 Reserved for future mistakes by our developers
*WinErr: 011 Window open - Do not look outside
*WinErr: 012 Window closed - Do not look inside
from Coffeebreak
" Microslave "
from krisken.hpg.ig.com
.....
Some scientists believe that time travel, like that in the upcoming movie The Time Machine , may someday be possible - News Article .
"Only a Matter of Time"
In Illinois, the owner of an auto dealership has filed a lawsuit demanding more than $1.2 million dollars in damages from an adult website that capitalized on the dealership's name. The website in question has the same name as Woodfield Chevrolet, except that there is a one-letter misspelling. Surfers looking for information about automobiles find instead forty pages of links to graphic pornography...
... You may not get a Chevy, but you may get breathing that's heavy...
from Comedy on Tap
from chiaweb.net
.....
The crew of the International Space Station was largely confined to the Russian side of the outpost Thursday after an American-made airlock system spewed a foul odor into the U.S. half of the complex...
... How do you say "Who clogged the toilet?" in Russian?...
from Comedy on Tap
"A leading surgeon in the US has told BBC News that he is ready to perform the world's first transplant of an artificially grown organ," - Artificial bladders. - Lab-built bladders on the way
.The first tests were done on beagles.
One wonders what goes through these bio-experiments minds as they close in on a fireplug: Resistance is futile, you will be hydrated ...
The Top 11 ÒStar WarsÓ Pants Lines -
Simple game. Take any line from a "Star Wars" film and replace one word with "pants." Alter grammar to fit if need be. If you find this amusing, there are sites out there (like this one) with hundreds of them. But here are the best 11 . . .
* "Jabba's through with you. He has no time for smugglers who drop their pants at the first sign of an Imperial cruiser." Ð Greedo
* "Your pants Ð you'll have to leave them outside." Ð Cantina Bartender
* "No! Alderaan is peaceful. We have no pants!" Ð Leia
* "Don't seem to remember ever owning pants." Ð Obi-Wan
* "I have no need for pants." Ð Uncle Owen
* "Oh, my. I'd forgotten how much I hate pants." Ð C-3PO
* "Biggs is right. I'm never going to get out of these pants." Ð Luke
* "Your pants, you will not need them." Ð Yoda
* "IÕve got a bad feeling about pants." Ð Han Solo
* "I am altering the pants. Pray I do not alter them any further." Ð Darth Vader
* "You are unwise to lower your pants." Ð Darth Vader
from the Daily Illuminator
" How core Mac users see Bill Gates "
from krisken.hpg.ig.com
.....
I was goofing around at my desk the other day when I noticed the email server wasn't responding. When you're in an email business that is a bad thing. So I cruised on over to the server room and found the boss already there in animated discussion with two of the IT guys. It looked like they had discovered the problem.
"Maybe it's a problem with the ISP," said the one IT guy.
"No, then none of the servers would work, it has to be a problem with the LAN," said the other.
"Have we changed our DNS," asked the boss.
"No," said the first guy. "Let me try and re-boot the net- work. Maybe it's a virus or something."
While they were problem-storming I peeked behind the rack and noticed what looked like a co-ax cable running from the back of the machine and lying unconnected on the floor.
"Hey guys," I said, nudging it with my toe, "do you think it could be this cable thingy here?"
You should have seen their faces. There is nothing more satisfying than being able to pull one over on those IT guys. They're always so smug.
from Clean Laffs
Here's another crazy item up for bid on e-bay - a " (butt)-Whoopin' ."
"Steve will come to your house and beat you up. You pay for him to come and a meal and he will show up and kick your ass. If you win this auction we will have to arange the beating but be sure it will be a beating yo will not forget. "
Someone actually bid - $25. Well, congratulations ... SMACK!!
contributed by Alqua Kalina
"Visited the health site ... "
mrlarry.com
.....
"A French court has ruled that a couple who were frozen after their death in the hope of future revival must be removed from their refrigerated chamber and buried." - Court rules against frozen couple
In the words of cryonics advocates, "That's just cold."
"More than 3,000 Pakistanis want to become citizens in the northern European nation of Ladonia, the country's state secretary said on Monday.
"Unfortunately, it doesn't exist.
"Ladonia is a piece of land in southern Sweden only one square kilometer (half-mile) in size, and as a nation exists mainly on the Internet (http://www.ladonia.net/) and in the mind of its creator, artist Lars Vilks." - News Item.
"Surprised and upset that the Web site had given people false hopes, Vilks has temporarily shut down the site's citizen application facility. The imaginary country already has 6,000 registered 'citizens.' "
And so this virtual country has virtually disapointed thousands.
Former Air Force Major George Filer III told reporters that when he was at McGuire Air Force Base in New Jersey, an alien craft came down, and an alien got out and was shot by a military policeman ...
... An obvious case of alien profiling...
Comedy on Tap May 15, 2001
krisken.hpg.ig.com
.....
"A Colorado high school student has won first place in the 60th annual Science Talent Search competition for inventing a glove that translates sign language." - News Article
So what does it say if you give "the finger?"
Three Engineers and a Faulty Car
There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.
The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.
Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion: If we close all the windows, get out, get back in, then open the windows again, maybe it'll work!?"
from Jokes4U
"McDongald's - fast food Trek style ..."
from Alqua Kalina
.....
One race mentioned in the last Trek joke was the "Nausicians," a rather homely-looking, foul-tempered race that was featured when in TNG flashback Piccard got into a fight with three and got knifed, and more recently in an "Enterprise" episode as pirating on ships.
The Nausicians ... who are so "Nausici-ating,"
and their looks are "Nausici-ating,"
and their manners are "Nausici-ating,"
and their food is "Nausici-ating ..."
The Eleksen company (http://www.eleksen.com/flash/default.shtml), is planning to produce clothes with computers built in.
So if your shoe computer crashes, will you have to "reboot?"
"I can't read mail now, my pants are down."
from the Daily Illuminator
from krisken.hpg.ig.com
.....
I just heard that Motorola is going to merge with Enron.
The new company is going to be called Moron.
from Rodney Lee's Lame Jokes
The U.S. Supreme Court is deliberating on a law that would require sex offenders to register with the state, and then permit that information to be posted on the Internet...
... Sexual deviants on the Internet? Who ever heard of such a thing?...
from Comedy on Tap
"Acording to a story on Monday's business page, 'This year's new gadgets at CeBIT, the world's biggest technology show, are all about taking computing off the desktop and onto the road - or the couch, or even into the bathroom.'
"Hold on one minute there. The bathroom is for magazines and newspapers. In the bathroom, the printed word rules ... That's OUR room! "
from the Virginian Pilot 3-23-2002
(captions - Hey! Not an empty parking space anywhere.)
.....
"It's the stuff of science fantasy, but a respected American surgeon says that, within five years, he will be able to graft wings and tails on to human beings." - < news article
Does this mean people will be able to call the special someone in their lives "my angel" and mean it?
Can you imagine someone describe going to the salon, "I'm having my wings done"?*
And will "Wind Beneath My Wings" make a comeback?
A researcher looking at the asteroid impact that killed the dinosaurs suggests that it might not have been entirely the rock's dust that blanketed the earth, but soot from wildfires caused by scattered debries that reentered the atmosphere and ignited forests as they crashed. - News article
And since modern mammals hadn't evolved yet, no Smokey the Bear to stop them.
from krisken.hpg.ig.com
.....
What are your D&D stats? Find out how your "real world" self would measure up on "D&D" satistics.
contributed by Alqua Kalina
The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the planned Windows 2002
1. Smash forhead on keyboard to continue.
2. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
3. Press any key to continue, or any other key to quit.
4. Press any key except ... no, NO! NOT THAT ONE!
5. Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
6. Close your eyes and press escape three times.
7. Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
8. This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
9. Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"
10. This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world. Please log off."
.....
11. To "shut down" your system, type "WIN".
12. BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
13. COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.
14. CONGRESS.SYS corrupted... Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N)
15. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
16. Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
17. Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
18. Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
19. WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)
20. User Error: Replace user.
21. Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"
22. Welcome to Microsoft's World - Your Mortgage is Past Due...
23. If you are an artist, you should know that Bill Gates owns you and all your future creations. Doesn't it feel nice to have security?
24. Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way.
from Rickysplace
"And then one day, the Internet colapsed"
from the webmaster's Dad
"Researchers are developing a way to grow meat tissue by machine" - news article
"The team ... hopes to create a meat-growing machine to automate the process by pumping in the right amount of oxygen, pumping out carbon dioxide and cellular wastes and continually 'feeding' the meat with fresh nutrient solution."
Question is, will the beef industry be "having a cow?"
"... Won an Win XP Pro Full today in a programming contest, but what am I supposed to do with it?"
"No, you didnt WIN Win XP Pro, you won a Licence to USE Win XP Pro and have your computer scanned by MS. Just burn the EULA and microwave the cd."
bulliten board posts between "TekGoNos" and "adamjaskie", 3/24/2002