This isn't a joke, except on computer hackers.
"I learned a computer trick today that's really ingenious in its simplicity.
As you may know, when/if a worm virus gets into your computer it heads straight for your email address book and sends itself to everyone in there, thus infecting all your friends and associates. This trick won't keep the virus from getting into your computer, but it will stop it from using your address book to spread further, and it will alert you to the fact that the worm has gotten into your system.
Here's what you do: first, open your address book and click on "new contact" just as you would do if you were adding a new friend to your list of email addresses. In the window where you would type your friend's first name, type in !000 (that's an exclamation mark followed by 3 zeros). In the window below where it prompts you to enter the new email address, type in WormAlert. Then complete everything by clicking add, enter, ok, etc.
Now, here's what you've done and why it works: the "name" !000 will be placed at the top of your address book as entry #1. This will be where the worm will start in an effort to send itself to all your friends. But when it tries to send itself to !000, it will be undeliverable because of the phony email address you entered (WormAlert). If the first attempt fails (which it will because of the phony address), the worm goes no further and your friends will not be infected.
Here's the second great advantage of this method: if an email cannot be delivered, you will be notified of this in your InBox almost immediately. Hence, if you ever get an email telling you that an email addressed to
WormAlert could not be delivered, you know right away that you have the worm virus in your system. You can then take steps to get rid of it!
Pretty slick."
Unfortunetly, it's also bogus. Joke on us.
from IB Laffing
I have to say, I'm not a big fan of this "falling back" business. It's quarter to five in the afternoon and it's already almost completely dark outside. Getting up and driving to work in the half-light and driving home in the dark for months at a time can eat away at a person's positive attitude. There's even a name for it. It's called Seasonal Affective Disorder or "the winter blues."
Some researchers have linked SAD to Melatonin secretions (which is some kind of light stimulated hormone), and others suggest that it is purely a psychological effect. But most experts agree that spending time in well-lit rooms will help decrease the effects. And that's all fine and dandy, but what about the severe depression that results from the depletion of your bank account after you pay your electric bill? Burning a few 200 watt halogen bulbs for a couple hours every night is an expensive cure.
I think I'm going to head home and see if I can't find a nice, over-exposed television program.
from "Clean Laffs"
When the end of the world arrives, how will the media report it?
USA Today: "We're Dead"
The Wall Street Journal: "Dow Jones Plummets As World Ends"
The National Enquirer: "O.J. and Nicole, Together Again"
Playboy: "Girls of the Apocalypse"
Microsoft Systems Journal: "Apple Loses Market Share"
The Victoria's Secret Catalog: "Our Final Sale"
Sports Illustrated: "Game Over"
Rolling Stone: "The Grateful Dead Reunion Tour"
Readers Digest: 'Bye
Discover Magazine: "How Will the Extinction of All Life As We Know It Affect the Way We View the Cosmos?"
TV Guide: "Death and Damnation: Nielsen Ratings Soar?"
Lady's Home Journal: "Lose 10 Lbs. By Judgement Day with Our New 'Armageddon' Diet!"
America Online: "System Temporarily Down. Try Calling Back in 15 Minutes."
Inc. magazine: "Ten Ways You Can Profit From the Apocalypse"
Microsoft's Web Site: "If You Didn't Experience the Rapture, Download Software Patch RAPT777.EXE
The Sun: "Armageddon Tolerant Software Now Available!"
from Rodney Lee's Lame Jokes
Unable to get the hang of "L33tspeak?" Well, here is a site to "Phe@R " L33t-5p34K G3n3r@t0r v3r510N 0.6 "Leet-speak Generator version 0.6"
"Is this below happening to you?...
You are being abducted often by what seems like aliens. They come after you go to bed and soon after (or just before) you begin to sleep, paralyze you and float you out of bed, maybe even through your solid wall!"
Alien Abductions, How To Prevent
"Scientists have melded living nerve cells and silicon to create the world's first neuronal chip." Scientists create first neuronal chip
So will there soon be a computer that needs asprin?
Wright brothers' plane finally gets wind tunnel test
"I don't care if you simply forgot it and it was 98 years ago, the rules say a test is required, and rules are rules."
At a recent computer software engineering course, the participants were given an awkward question to answer:
"If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?"
Among the ensuing forest of raised hands only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay aboard. With his team's software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.
from "Clean Laffs"
"random technobabble generator" - a list of sci-fi phrases randomly generated.
Makes you wonder just how they come up with the names of those things in TV shows.
from Lera
"They actually said this!"
"All you have to do is go down to the bottom of your swimming pool and hold your breath."
-- David Miller, US DOE spokesperson, on protecting yourself from nuclear radiation.
from Jokes4U
Second National Church of Shatnerology
Taking Trek Worship to the Next Level...
"Even more volunteers are wanted for the second phase of an experiment into lounging about in bed." Couch potatoes wanted for three months in bed
"The fourteen chosen volunteers must be European males aged between 25 and 45, who don't smoke and are not overweight."
Couch potatoes who aren't overweight? That would be appropriate for a study in itself.
In one college, there's a course to get Computer students to stop acting like geeks
There's an alternative - a "working class" job.
A British company is on its way to developing the self-parking car - news item
But should it park next to a hydrant, can the driver use "bad programing" to get off?
"US intelligence agencies are recruiting psychics to help predict future attacks and to find Osama Bin Laden. The recruits, known as "remote viewers", claim to be able to visualise happenings in distant places by using paranormal powers." - Psychics join the manhunt
Maybe while they're at it, they can "visualize" some secret business meetings for a few stock tips.
Microsoft chairman Bill Gates launched his company's new product, Windows XP operating system Thursday. Gates claims that the new product will revolutionize how computer users will interact with computers and the internet...
... Now you will have hundreds of new features crashing your computer to add to the standard features that crash your computer....
from Comedy on Tap
"For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press 3."
--Alice Kahn
from Clean Laffs
A man from Pennsylvania claims that he exchanged email with Saddam Hussein. Christopher Love sent an email to the Iraqi president in the wake of the Sept. 11 attacks, calling for an end to the differences that have killed thousands of people. According to Love, Hussein wrote back with what Love called a ``a warm and genuine response'' expressing condolences and sharing a blessing...
... Could this mean maybe that Bin Laden is hiding in a chat room?
from Comedy on Tap
"Computers let you make more mistakes faster than any other invention in human history, with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila." -Unknown
from Clean Laffs
Lucasfilm, the guys who brought you the Star Wars movies, has taken a "Media Market Group" to court for "copyright and trademark infringment." The company is suposedly responsible for an animated porno with "several paraells to the Star Wars films."
Talk about your close encounters.
In 1988, a computer "worm" unleashed by a Cornell University graduate student began replicating wildly, clogging thousands of computers around the country. The student, Robert Morris, was later tried, fined and given probation...
... And that worm grew up to be Bill Gates...
from Comedy on Tap
A group of people who advocate the existance of a supposed race of aliens called the "Raelians" are proposing to build An Embassy for Extraterrestrials for them.
I thought in order for an embassy to be built for a people, you had to establish official contact first.
found on the "Daily Illuminator"
The Taliban think they're safe from the bombs, sitting deep in their cave-bunkers. But there's more than one way to get someone. Watch as the Taliban find themselves the target of modern-day harassment.
Contributed by Virginia and others
In the early hours of Sunday, the Leonids meteor shower thrilled audiences all over the planet. The space dust particles that were burned into the atmosphere were a harmless spectacle in the night sky. "There are the little 'eeee' ones, then there are the 'ooooh' ones - those ones you have to stand up and follow with your head," said skywatcher Susan Kitchens...
... It's the "AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!" ones you've gotta watch out for...
from Comedy on Tap
Law enforcement officials are investigating a security breach at the Playboy.com Web site that allowed a computer hacker to steal customers' credit card numbers, a Playboy.com spokeswoman said on Tuesday.news item
Be sure to practice Safe Surfing
Philip Morris is in the process of changing it's name to "Altria." Mindful of antismoking groups, before announcing the name-change they registered a number of Internet domain names "such as Altriasucks.com, Altriakills.com, and Altriastinks.com."
"The company missed Altriacancer.com"
from an article in the Virginian Pilot
Pope John Paul, who writes most of his speeches by hand and does not own a computer, will dedicate his message for World Communications Day to the Internet, the Vatican said Tuesday...
... Just go to www.funnyhat.com...
from Comedy on Tap
On Nov. 25, 2001, it was announced that human embryos had been created by cloning.
In the media circus that's following, no one is asking them to "send in the clones."
For the first time ever, Pope John Paul sent a papal document over the internet using a laptop computer...
... And was immediately flooded with return e-mails advertising porn sites ...
from Comedy on Tap
In the news, a look at a planet through Hubble showed signs of an atmosphere - news item
Located in the Pegasus constelation, the planet has signs of anatmosphere of sodium.
If it's near Pegasus' "mouth," does that make it a salt lick?
A teacher asked one of her pupils, "What's the nation's capital?"
The reply was, "Washington DC."
After the teacher asked the pupil what 'DC' stood for, the student added, "Dot com!"
from Jokes from Jokeman