Evidence of Life on Mars has been found.
from Wotch
What's the difference between a millionaire and a billionaire?
A million seconds is 13 days.
A billion seconds is 31 years!
A billion minutes ago was just after the time of Christ.
A billion hours ago man had not yet walked on earth.
A billion dollars ago was yesterday at the U.S. Treasury.
Signs You're Not Cut Out to Be a Jedi
12. Forget about the X-Wing -- you can't even levitate your butt off the couch.
11. Not only are you unable to see things before they happen, you're often befuddled by the Jedi "got your nose" trick.
10. You chose the Dark Side because you look so much thinner in black.
9. You're afraid to cross the cosmos by yourself.
8. "*Light* saber? Those things are heavy!"
7. You just signed a five-album deal with the Dark Side.
6. Down pat you have the backwards talk, yet impressed the chicks still are not.
5. Your lightsaber? More of a butter knife, if you know what I mean.
4. You can't even use the Force to find Waldo.
3. You knowingly hired illegal Wookiees to clean your gutters and failed to pay their Social Security.
2. The only Force you've mastered is the one belching out your belly, Mr. "I-Can-Burp-the-Cantina-Band's-Entire-Playlist."
1. With a little bit of dusting, and maybe a vase of flowers in the corner, the Dark Side looks much more cheery, don't you think?
from Coffeebreak
Fanboys gone over the edge, and then some - Jedi as a religion
Junk Mail ... Don't miss this one...send this to all your friends!!
There's almost never anything funny about earthquakes. But one had some rather interesting results in one museum pendulum exhibit: Earthquake as Artist
As some of you have noticed, Spam Revolution was the victim of malicious hackers earlier this week. Well, maybe they weren't so bad, since all that really happened was a few old newsletters being sent to part of the Spam Revolution recipient list. And since this issue is arriving late, it even looks like the hackers are better at sending out our mail than we are.
Still, we refuse to succumb to this kind of terrorism, and new security measures have been taken. We changed the secret password from "BELGIUM" to "BRAINS." Ha! Foolproof!
from Game-Revolution.com, sent by Virginia
Subject: 10 Ways To Tell If A Redneck Has Been Working On A Computer:
10. The monitor is up on blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
8. The six front keys have rotted out.
7. The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts stored in them.
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
5. The password is "Bubba".
4. There's a gun rack mounted to the CPU.
3. There's a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
2. The keyboard is camouflaged.
AND the number one sure fire way to tell if a Redneck has been working on a computer is...
1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter".
from William J. Lee
Dear Danny:
My 50-something friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her mother to the magic of the Internet.Ê Our first move was to access the popular "Ask Jeeves" site, and we told her it could answer any question she had.Ê Nancy's mother was very skeptical until Nancy said, "It's true, Mom.Ê Think of something to ask it."
As I sat with fingers poised over the keyboard, Nancy's mother thought a minute, then responded, "How is Aunt Helen feeling?"
from "Living With Your Computer," contributed by Kathy
TOP 10 FUN THINGS TO DO WITH YOUR CLONE
10. You can talk with yourself without people thinking you are crazy.
--Chris Bard (Teen-Jokes)
9. Play the mirror game.
--Kelly J (Joke-of-the-Day)
8. Play high stakes poker using internal organs as your ante.
--Dee-K-Bee (Farm Jokes)
7. Finally see what that wierd mole on your back really looks like
--Chirstopher Martz (Joke-of-the-Day)
6. You can finally drive in the carpool lane on the way to work.
--Amy Hauck (Joke-of-the-Day)
5. Confuse the hell out of your dog. Don't worry, your cat won't care.
--Thomas Mehrtens (Joke-of-the-Day)
4. Send them to your prostrate exam.
--Valoy Petersen (Sports Jokes)
3. Give your barber the willies with the fatest growing haircut ever.
--Greg Guarin (College Jokes)
2. Be very noticable at your favorite coffee shop while your clone is robbing banks.
--Bill Penrose (Political Jokes)
1. Well, if you've ever wanted to be beside yourself with joy, now is your chance!
--My own (the original #1 was too gross)
This week marks the final drop to Earth of the Russian Mir space station. Mission control has been planning and watching the plunge for months...
... They're even changing its name to the "Nasdaq Space Station"...
Comedy On Tap Daily Newsletter for Tuesday, March 20, 2001
The fast food company Taco Bell is offering to give a free taco to everyone in the U.S., if the Mir Space Station crashes to Earth on their floating target. On Friday, the company will put a 40sq ft bull's eye tarp in the South Pacific ...
... "Drop The Chalupaski"...?
from Comedy On Tap, before the Mir splashdown.
What would Lt. Worf, the Klingon officer in Star Trek, The Next Generation , say if challenged to a cooking match by "The Iron Chef?"
"Today is a good day to fry."
Scientists recently developed a kind of total cybernetic organism, total cyborg: a small robot with an organic brain, that of a lamprey - an eel-like primitive parasitic fish.
I'm sure technophobes will find "something fishy" about it.
Worst Cars of the 20th Century
found on the "Daily Illumiator"
Recently, some police canine units have been fitting a few dogs' dammaged canines with metal caps: News Article
Talk about taking a bite out of crime.
A few days ago, a British UFO watch group closed down. The reason, lack of sightings of flying saucers in Great Britian: News article
The director felt this was related to the end of the Cold War, UFO sightings having risen and fallen in the past with world tension levels. So maybe the aliens feel we've passed our most dangerous period "If they would have destroyed themselves, they would have done it by now," and have moved on to observe some other world.
On the other hand, maybe the Mad Cow/Foot and Mouth outbreaks scared off more than just American tourists.
"Star Trek's" Captain James T. Kirk is quite a lead foot when he gets behind the wheel.
Actor William Shatner plans to drive in the 25th Toyota Pro-Celebrity Race next week at the Long Beach Grand Prix.
"I enjoy driving fast, and it's limited what you can do on the road with the point system," the 70-year-old Shatner said. "Here you get your rocks off driving fast, driving with somebody else's car, and that's equally important..."
WARP SPEED, MR. SULU
Wise Indian
The medicine man was asked for his advice on the coming winter weather by tribal members. Being a wise Indian he told them to gather wood, because it would be cold.
Being particularly wise, the next day he called the National Weather Service and got its long-term prediction for winter. It predicted very cold weather. So he went back to the tribe and told members to gather a lot of wood.
Two days later, he checked the long-term prediction again. It now predicted very severe cold weather. So he went back to the tribe and told members to gather huge amounts of wood.
Three days later, he called the head of the National Weather Service. The medicine man asked for his very latest prediction. The head weatherman said "it will be the coldest winter in two centuries."
The medicine man asked how he knew.
The head weatherman said "Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"
from William J. Lee
US to California in 2001: We would be delighted if you just build more power plants.
However, if you don't, you will be.
Sign on a Nuclear Scientist's Door: "Gone Fission"
"Just GIFfy"
The "workhorse" for webpage images is the "GIF", Graphics Interchange Format. Introduced by Compuserve years ago, it was very convienent, small and easily downloadable, and free. So it quickly caught on to where by now just about everyone uses them.
Trouble is, Unisys has stepped in, saying GIF files use its type of data compression, "Lempel-Ziv-Welch compression algorithm" or LZW, which turns out to be patented, which Unisys holds.
They went only after professional and department store applications at first, but more recently have gone after the Freeware graphics programs that use GIFS, saying they have to be licensed - and a license from Unisys costs five thousand dollars.
Now some are wondering if they may go after individual webpage owners who use GIF files.
"And it's not just GIFs! No, LZW is also used in TIFFs and PDFs. They've got their bases covered."
To borrow from a popular Internet joke: "All your GIFs are belong to us."
based an article by Chris Wright , who has been converting his online cartoon's graphics to another type of graphic file - PNG.