More " All Your Base " jokes (see late February)
(Newer All Your Base " Link )
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(response to the virus joke)
Which is why ONE SHIP can take out the entire enemy fleet, presumably without resupply or anything since (after all) all their base are belong to the enemy.
from Michael Martin
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ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US !!!
What you say?
WE'RE WINNING THE BASEBALL GAME
from Billy Cromb, AKA Labyrus
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from Jarnor 23 "I particularly like this one... All Your Iraqi Base Take off every 'ZIG'! :) "
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" All your Base are not belong to you
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Even the "Foxtrot" comic got into the " All Your Base " act.
Is this why Fantasy Dwarves live so long?
from the Daily Illuminator
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe
from Kathy
It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
from Kathy
MS Federation - Star Trek in a universe where Microsoft Rules
This nonleathal weapon is a real pain .
The online game Godzilla vs. Tamagotchi . Your mission: squash the annoying little #$@&* before Tokyo is overrun.
from Jokes4U
If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?
Missile-toe!
author unknown
Islamic Site goes Hard Core ... Porn
Now this hacker I like ;)
A 3-D Periodic Table of the elements . An informative and amusing site, including a table of rejected elements .
from Coffeebreak
Clinton will soon be having a website for his presidential library put up: http://www.clintonpresidentialcenter.com/index.html , but this "First President of the Internet" will have the site's chat rooms and forums "strictly monitored for anti-Clinton comments."
Since monitors often search for keywords, will all posts with "is" be deleted?
Mansion Windows
Bill Gates dies and goes to hell.
Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever.
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option."
"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill.
As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer. "That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all!"
"That's what everyone thinks" snickered Satan. "The bottle has a hole in it!"
"What about the PC?"
"It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan. "And it's missing three keys,"
"Which three?"
"Control, Alt and Delete."
from Coffeebreak
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
Jokes4Uk
In the news, genetic engineers have come up with a goat gene-enginered to produce spider silk in it's milk .
Does that make it a "Pharm" animal ?
This little tidbit contains all you really need to know about government and bureaucracy.
Pythagorean theorem: 24 words.
The Lord's prayer: 66 words.
Archimedes' Principle: 67 words.
The 10 Commandments: 179 words.
The Gettysburg address: 286 words.
The Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words.
The current US Government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words.
from William J. LeeSt. Patrick's special
A flying saucer touches down in the woods not far away from an Irish villiage, and a little green man comes out and begins making a scientific survey of the area. Unfortunetly, a drunk sleeping in the bushes wakes up, sees him, and when the alien walks nearby, he jumps out and grabs him.
"Aha! Now I got me a leprechaun! Now ye have to show me where ye keeps yer pot o' gold before I lets ye go."
The little green alien tried to explain he was no leprechaun, but the drunk wouldn't believe it, "No use try'n ta trick me. Gimme yer pot o' gold!"
The alien sighed, and led him to a tree, saying the gold was buried underneath. He then got a hand laser and carved a big "X" on it, telling the man this was so he could remember. The drunk then stumbled off to get a shovel, without so much as a thank-you. The alien then rushed to his ship, took off, and pointed his ship's laser at the trees ...
When the drunk came back, he found every tree had an "X" carved on it.
He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.
from Kathy
Computer mogul Bill Gates is expecting another child, and is adding another bedroom on to his 37,000 square foot house on Lake Washington ...
... Unfortunately, no one can get the windows to open ...
from Comedy on Tap
" The Truth About Black Helicopters " Sometimes the truth is out there, and sometimes the informer is "out there."
from Coffebreak
Here's a fun little tale I heard. A story of computer programming, helicopters and kangaroos...
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The reuse of some object-oriented code has caused tactical headaches for Australia's armed forces. As virtual reality simulators assume larger roles in helicopter combat training, programmers have gone to great lengths to increase the realism of their scenarios, including detailed landscapes and, in the case of the Northern Territory's Operation Phoenix, herds of kangaroos (since disturbed animals might well give away a helicopter's position).
The head of the Defense Science & Technology Organization's Land Operations/Simulation division reportedly instructed developers to model the local marsupials' movements and reactions to helicopters.
Being efficient programmers, they just re-appropriated some code originally used to model infantry detachment reactions under the same stimuli, changed the mapped icon from a soldier to a kangaroo, and increased the figures' speed of movement.
Eager to demonstrate their flying skills for some visiting American pilots, the hotshot Aussies "buzzed" the virtual kangaroos in low flight during a simulation. The kangaroos scattered, as predicted, and the visiting Americans nodded appreciatively ... then did a double-take as the kangaroos reappeared from behind a hill and launched a barrage of Stinger missiles at the hapless helicopter. (Apparently the programmers had forgotten to remove that part of the infantry coding.)
The lesson? Objects are defined with certain attributes, and any new object defined in terms of an old one inherits all the attributes. The embarrassed programmers had learned to be careful when reusing object-oriented code, and the Yanks left with a newfound respect for Australian wildlife.
Simulator supervisors report that pilots from that point onward have strictly avoided kangaroos, just as they were meant to.
From June 15, 1999 Defense Science and Technology Organization Lecture
Series, Melbourne, Australia, and staff reports
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Note: I'm note sure if this is true, or an urban legend.
The incorrect usage of 'herd' to describe a Kangaroo suggests that writer isn't too familiar with Australian wildlife ...
but it's still funny!
from "Uniqueusername"
White-outs occasional,
Blackouts, never.
Upgrade to Minnesota.com
New billboard ad intended to lure businesses from Sillicon Valley, at the time of California's energy shortage.
SIGNS THAT YOU'VE ALREADY HAD TOO MUCH OF THE 21ST CENTURY
01. You just tried to enter your password on the microwave.
02. You now think of three espressos as "getting wasted."
03. You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.
04. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
05. You call your son's beeper to let him know it's time to eat.
He e-mails you back from his bedroom, "What's for dinner?"
.....
6.When you go home after a long day at work, you still answer the phone in a business manner.
7.When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally insert a 9 to get an outside line.
8.You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.
9.Your company's welcome sign is attached with Velcro.
10.Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.
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11. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.
12. Your biggest loss from a system crash was when you lost all of your best jokes/games.
13. Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.
14. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards.
15. Board members salaries are higher than all the Third World countries annual budgets combined.
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16. Interviewees, despite not having the relevant knowledge or experience, terminate the interview when told of the starting salary.
17. Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet.
18. Your supervisor gets a brand-new state-of-the-art laptop with all the latest features, while you have time to go for lunch while yours boots up.
19. Being sick is defined as you can't walk or you're in the hospital.
20. There's no money in the budget for the five permanent staff members your department desperately needs, but they can afford four full-time management consultants advising your boss's boss on strategy.
21. Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers".
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AND THE CLINCHERS ARE ..
23. As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your "friends"
24. It crosses your mind that your jokes group may have seen this list already, but you don't have time to check so you forward it anyway.
25. You got this email from a friend that never talks to you anymore, except to send you jokes from the net.
"TV Shows"
Television shows that may be appearing soon as a result of the electronic and computer age:
Modem, She Wrote : Each week, our intrepid detective tries to solve the ultimate mystery: why her modem won't ever connect at 56k.
Micro-CHiPs : Ponch and Jon now patrol the Information Superhighway.
Carly's Angels : Chief exec Carly Fiorina instructs her team of three vixen market analysts on how to prop up HP's sagging stock price.
Hawaii 6.0 : An upgraded version of the classic series. Steve McGarrett goes surfing for bad guys online.
T. J. Hacker : A retired cop, with an uncanny resemblance to James T. Kirk, takes up computer hacking to track down the miscreants who canceled his TV show.
The Excel Files : Inexplicable things are happening to the data in Microsoft Excel spreadsheets. Can this puzzle be solved? The truth is out there.
The AOL-Team : Each week, AOL, Time Warner, Netscape, and Mr. T unite to promote corporate mergers and make the world safe for capitalism.
Magnum, PC : This series about a crime-solving personal computer that goes by the code name Deep Blue is based in beautiful Hawaii. Season finale cliff-hanger: Will Deep Blue be seduced by the wily charms of the Texas Instruments Speak 'n' Spell?
The Incredible Bulk : The exciting adventures of Windows, which just keeps growing and growing.
Buffy the Virus Slayer : Buffy and her fearless gang of antivirus definitions stalk and kill VBS files - no small feat while wearing a halter top and high-heeled boots.
contributed by Kathy
from the Daily Illuminator
A Canadian company has introduced software intended to help millions of frustrated Napster users to continue downloading free music. PulseNewMedia is using pig Latin to disguise Napster file names that are to be blocked ...
from Comedy on Tap
And the record companies are going hog wild over the apparently neverending problem of freeloader downloads (free"down"loaders?) .
