On Jan 29, 2001, Disney announced it was closing down it's web service go.com
With the crumbling dot-com industry, looks like GO is now gone.
On Jan 30, 2001, Amazon.com announced it was laying off 15% of it's workforce.
Looks like the mighty Amazon has hit a dam.
On Jan 31, 2001, just a little more than a year after it was the "hot toy," Sega announced it was stopping production of the Dreamcast.
How so quickly was this dream product cast away.
Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
from Jokes4U
Read carefully.
If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes," delete it immediately. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will no only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.
It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards.
It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you attempt to play.
It will program your phone auto dial to call only your mother-in-law's number.
This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.
It will drink all your wine. (For God's sake, man, are you listening?!?!)
It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company.
It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.
It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye.
It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change the interpretations of key sentences.
If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.
It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.
**WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN.**
And if you don't send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds, you'll break wind next time you're making love.
send send send send send................ In case you are a blonde, this is a joke.
from Virginia
Bring on the Clowns!
Clowns come in all sizes
Big and tall...tiny and small
Round and obese and skinny and long
But the best clowns I have ever met
Were not under a circus tent !
It 's the friends I have met on the Net!!
Always have a joke or tale
Sometimes their stories would match Jonah the Whale!
However, when all is said and done
The laughter really comes and Oh What Fun!
So Thank You Clowns...
For the Lol's are not merely a keystoke!
You actually have me Laughing out Aloud !
And if by chance I type Roflmao!
Know sincerely I am actually on the floor laughing!
So Bring on the clowns!
Come one and come all !
For you have made my days
Happy and Fun!
So bring on the clowns !
From all over the world...
Thank you all for the smiles and the fun!
- Written by JJ -
- Dedicated to all my wonderful Net Friends ! -
- May 29,2000 :) -
contributed by Kathy
These guys live near Chernobyl?
from Dystopia
E-Mail Blessing
Peace be unto you, your computer and the e-mail you receive this day.
May the mail you receive not require you to multiply it tenfold or Return it within a limited time frame.
May the mail you receive not require you to take action to prove Your love, friendship, or concern for the welfare of the sender.
May the mail you receive not start with Fw Fw Fw, not contain Strangely named attachments and contain a "<" for every ">".
May the mail you receive not require you to look closely at Those on the playground to see if they are the non-missing children You are to be searching for.
May the mail you receive not cause you to change Your eating habits to avoid plagues, pestilence and the eating of parts of things that you can't buy at Wall-Mart.
May the mail you receive not encourage you to carry a steel Plate on which to sit in theaters or other public places.
May the mail you receive not encourage you to learn the 800 Number for the National Missing Child Bureau, Center for Disease Control or the FCC.
May your inaction to the mail you receive not cause the Death of monks, missionaries, mothers or the misguided.
And above all may peace and harmony be yours until Tomorrow.
from Kathy
With a history of trying to catch up to the West technologically, militarilly, and economically, lately they've been doing so in another area: height.
In the past 20 years, the average height of Japanese has increased by more than 5 cm. In the past 50 years, the height for 11 year olds alone increased by five inches.
Unfortunetly, Japanese manufacturers have not responded to these changes, and more and more Japanese are having trouble finding clothes, chairs & desks, cars, etc. that can fit them well.
Maybe the "Buy American" campaign should be slightly changed to "Buy American - it fits!"
The decypherng of the human genetic code has revealed a few surprises. Among them, only a tiny percentage of the genes are used for making a person. Where did this "junk" DNA come from? The theory is that some are no-longer-used sequences for long extinct evolutionary ancestors, but many of these proteins probably originated from viruses that infected the cell, and failing to kill it the new proteins were passed on in suceeding generations.
Which leads new meaning to the term "bugs in the system."
" 5 Reasons Your Kid Should Play 'Dungeons & Dragons' "
Is it just me or do you sometimes find yourself double clicking on the TV remote control?
from Jim Poole
A Loose Moose
Many people imagine scientists to be deeply dull individuals who spend their time peering into the dark corners of the Universe and attempting to find bigger and better ways to blow us all up and put us all back together again afterwards. This is clearly not the case with conservation biologist Joel Berger of the University of Nevada.
In order to get up close to a herd of moose, Dr. Berger donned a disturbingly convincing moose costume during his field research. His biggest worry during these expeditions wearing the moose costume, which apparently also involved throwing wolf dung at the moose to see if it annoyed them, was being spotted by an amorous male moose
Source: Best Book of Bizarre-But-True Stories Ever!
From Coffeebreak
On Feb 12, 2001, a space probe made a sucessful long-shot landing on the asteroid Eros.
Kinda coincidental that an object in space bearing Cupid's Greek name would get a visit around the time of Valentine's Day.
A moment of silence, please, for Windows 95. Just this week, Microsoft announced it was finally pulling the plug on its five-and-a-half-year-old operating system ( http://one.digital.cnet.com/cgi-bin1/flo?y=eBcR0xrKz0k0ey6F ).
Why the silence? Well, say what you will about Windows--its instability, its clunkiness, its Borg-like assimilation of utilities, fonts, even browsers--but Win 95 was a legitimate breakthrough. The first piece of software to achieve pop-culture status, it generated spectacular sales numbers, eventually propelling Windows onto corporate and personal desktops across the world. With its Mac-like interface, a clutch of new features, Internet connectivity, and a full complement of compatible software applications, Win95 was really the first truly usable Windows. In fact, Windows 95 was such a world-beater that most of Microsoft's follow-up operating systems have seemed pallid by comparison, a collection of moderate improvements and new features bolted onto an aging chassis.
So farewell, Windows 95. We'll never see your like again.
--Steve Fox, editor in chief, CNET Networks
from Virginia
At a museum, plans were made to have the T-Rex smell of an authentic odor. Click here, to find out why that idea stunk.
found on the Dailly Illuminator
Computer Joke:
Two fonts walk into a bar. The bartender says to them, "Get out! We don't serve your type here."
by Don Salisbury
Star Wars humor:
"Welcome to Endor. Teddy bears half-price at the gift shop."
....................
"Welcome to Hoth. Snowball fights at 11."
....................
A passenger on a starliner is trying to take a nap on his seat, but a protocol droid behind him won't shut up to the people around him. Finally, the droid turns it's attention to the man:
"Hello, I am a Cybot Galactica 3PO human-cyborg relations droid. I am fully fluent in seven million languages."
The man gives the droid a vicious grin, "Hi, I'm Jake the slicer. I can memory-wipe a droid in seven seconds, and I'm trying to take a nap now."
The droid doesn't say another word for the rest of the trip.
....................
Sign at Hoth Spaceport: "Not Responsible for Falling AT-ATs"
How to Keep a Moron in Suspense
Lately, someone did a webfilm around the begining scene of a badly-translated Japanese video game: All Your Base
(Newer All Your Base " Link )
Word's spreading about this so-bad-its-good blurb across the 'net, and we might as well have a little fun with it:
" All your base are belong to us. "
"Yes, we know, and judging by the sound of your Universal Translator, I'd say the computer virus we planted will immobolize most of your fleet within 24 hours."
Oh, Small Bit of trivia, the Phrase "All your base are belong to us" was origonally on a WWII Nazi propaganda flyer. The Germans dropped them on American troops to try to demoralize them, but it probably only invoked laughter.
from the Neko-con mailing list
Officers were being lectured about a new computer.
The instructor said the computer was able to withstand nuclear and chemical attacks. Then he hollered, "There will be no eating or drinking in my class, You'll have to get rid of that coffee."
I inquired meekly "Sure, but why?"
"Because a coffee spill could ruin the Keyboard".
from Coffeebreak
Phone conversation from an Interstellar hotel:
"Front desk. Can I help you?"
"Yes - what kind of place is this? I ought to report you to the health board and - "
"Sir, calm down and tell me, what's eating you?"
"I dunno, but what ever it is, you better send someone down here and kill it."
from 101 Outer Space Jokes
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise MY hand!
from Jokes4U
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
from Jim Poole