" This is cute "
from Kathy Dragoo
" A Day with Professor Cyborg " This guy feels humanity's future, if it's to compete with computers, is to become part computer itself.
from the Daily Illuminator
The Internet is getting a new batch of domain names. Among the five is .coop , which is intended for business co-operatives.
I wonder if they'll come out with a site for aspiring Third-World dictators: military.coop
a parental response to a kid's late nights on the computer
Subject: Dr. Seuss' Election Count
Can we count them with our nose?
Can we count them with our toes?
Should we count them with a band?
Should we count them all by hand?
If I do not like the count,
I will simply throw them out!
...
I will not let this vote count stand
I do not like them, AL GORE I am!
...
Can we change these numbers here?
Can we change them, calm my fears?
What do you mean, Dubya has won?
This is not fair, this is not fun
Let's count them upside down this time
Let's count until the state is mine!
...
I will not let this VOTE count stand!
I do not like it, AL GORE I am!
...
I'm really ticked, I'm in a snit!
You have not heard the last of it!
I'll count the ballots one by one
And hold each one up to the sun!
I'll count, recount, and count some more!
You'll grow to hate this little chore
...
But I will not, cannot let this vote count stand!
I do not like it, Al Gore I am!
...
I won't leave office, I'm stayin' here!
I've glued my desk chair to my rear!
Tipper, Hillary, and Bubba too,
All telling me that I should sue!
We find the Electoral College vile!
RECOUNT the votes until I smile!
...
We do not want this vote to stand!
We do not like it, AL GORE I am!
...
How shall we count this ballot box?
Let's count it standing in our socks!
Shall we count this one in a tree?
And who shall count it, you or me?
We cannot, cannot count enough!
We must not stop, we must be tough!
...
I do not want this vote to stand!
I do not like it AL GORE I am!
...
I've counted till my fingers bleed!
And still can't fulfill my counting need!
I'll count the tiles on the floor!
I'll count, and count, and count some more!
And I will not say that I am done!
Until the counting says I've won!
...
I will not let this vote count stand!
I do not like it, AL GORE I am!
...
What's that? What? What are you trying to say?
You think the current count should stay?
You do not like my counting scheme?
It makes you tense, gives you bad dreams?
Foolish people, you're wrong you'll see!
You're only care should be for me!
...
I WILL NOT LET THIS VOTE COUNT STAND!
I DO NOT LIKE IT. AND AL GORE I AM!
Contributed by Jacquine Harris Kroft
Even though I'm a writer of sci-fi, I find the sheer number of UFO sightings hard to believe. The overwhelming majority are almost certainly untrue.
Talking to an uncle, he said a friend of his had a UFO story too. Supposedly, he was sleeping in his house on his farm, and woke up to see a lot of light coming out of the window. He went out, and saw a man walking out of a flying saucer and waving a white flag.
The alien explained an engine part was busted, and was willing to do something in return. So the farmer took the part into his shed and fixed it with some machine tools. When asked what he wanted, the farmer said all he wanted was a new well. The alien said he would point out the best place to dig a spot. After taking off, a light beam from the saucer hit a certain patch of ground, and after the farmer marked it the flying saucer flew off. When the farmer dug the next day, he soon got water.
It should be noted that the farmer had been trying to dig a new well for several months, and failed every time. After finally getting lucky, the neighbors pestered him, "Where did you get that water?" So he probably made the story up to quiet the pesky neighbors.
So pardon me if I think this UFO tale is "all wet."
contributed by the Webmaster's Dad - from Dystopia
"I hope we get this president thing sorted out soon, cause every time the aliens ask me to take them to my leader, I don't know what to do."
-- George MacMillan
from Jim Poole
Everyone Sing Along...
...
You put your stylus in,
You put your stylus out,
You put your stylus in,
And you punch Buchanan out.
You do the Palm Beach Pokey
And you turn the count around,
That's what it's all about!
...
You put the Gore votes in,
You put the Bush votes out,
You put the Gore votes in,
And you do another count.
You do the Palm Beach Pokey
And you turn the count around,
That's what it's all about!
...
You bring your lawyers in,
You drag the whole thing out,
You bring your lawyers in,
And you put it all in doubt.
You do the Palm Beach Pokey
And you turn the count around,
That's what it's all about!
...
You let your doctors spin,
You let the pundits spout,
You let your retirees sue,
And your people whine and pout.
You do the Palm Beach Pokey
And you turn the count around,
That's what it's all about!
...
You do the Palm Beach Pokey,
You do the Palm Beach Pokey,
You do the Palm Beach Pokey,
That's what it's all about!
From Jokes4U - Special Thanks To: http://www.hardyharhar.com
Inside Information
A group of nuclear physicists took time off from their study of interplanetary rockets and missiles for a Las Vegas vacation. One of them spent so much time at the roulette tables that a colleague grumbled, "Jones there is throwing away his hard-earned savings as if there was no tomorrow."
The man he addressed looked thoughtful. "Maybe," he commented finally, "he knows something!"
from Coffeebreak
Do NOT play frisbee with your dog in a UFO frequented area
from Dystopia
Engineers have recently developed a "frogbot " that moves by hopping across a surface. It was developed with the intention of being sent to other planets and moons as exploration robots.
Somehow "To boldly hop where no one has hopped before" doesn't sound very awe-inspiring.
Tech Support - There's a five minute recording of a stand-up comedy routine that came with this cartoon and it was so funny, neither I nor the lady who sent it to me would shut it off until it finished.
from Kathy Dragoo
What sound does a space turkey make?
Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!
(should have thought of this one for Thanksgiving)
from Jokes4U
from Jokes4U
Have you been Naughty or Nice? this Christmas? Click here to find out.
from Kathy Dragoo
Luke and Obi-Wan are in a Chinese restaurant having a meal. Obi-Wan is deftly manipulating his chopsticks with the ease you'd expect from a Jedi Master.
Anyway, poor old Luke is having a nightmare, using his chop- sticks in both hands, dropping his food all over the table and eventually himself. Obi-Wan looks at Luke disapprovingly and says, "Use the FORKS, Luke."
from Jokes4U, submitted by: Tim, Memphis, TN
A British company has won the exclusive rights to use the names Santa Claus and Father Christmas on American internet sites. Steve Bottomley, owner of Father Christmas Ltd, of Newmarket, Suffolk, said: "You would have thought someone in the US would have done it first. They must be among the most valuable of trademarks."
source unknown
Does you loved one think you spend too much time at the computer? - click here for Christmas gift ideas that can help.
from Kathy Dragoo
Maybe the Supreme Court saw this cartoon before making their decision to stop the recount.
Remember the water rockets you fired as a kid? Here's a new twist
from Dystopia
Now, HACKER! now, SLACKER! now, TECHIE and GEEK!
On, CHIPHEAD! on WEB-HEAD! on, PIXLE and FREAK!
To the top of the page! to the top of the screen!
Now debug away! debug away! debug away AOL!
from Jokes4U
Wonder where Santa will be Christmas Eve? Click here
Click here for Christmas art from Spaceports
THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS
Twas the day after Christmas,
and all through the house,
Every creature was hurting, even the mouse
The toys were all broken, their batteries dead;
Santa passed out, with some ice on his head.
Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor,
while Upstairs the family continued to snore.
And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
Went into the kitchen and started to clean.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the curtains, and threw up the sash.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a white little truck, with an oversized mirror.
The driver was smiling, so lively and grand;
The patch on his jacket said U.S. POSTMAN.
With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox
Then quickly he stuffed them into our mailbox.
Bill after bill, after bill, they still came.
Whistling and shouting he called them by name:
Now Dillard, now Broadway, now Pennys and Kmart,
Heres Robinsons, Levis and Targets and Walmart.
To the tip of your limit, every store, every mall,
Now chargeaway-chargeaway-chargeaway all!
He whooped and he whistled as he finished his work.
He filled up the box, and then turned with a jerk.
He sprang to his truck and he drove down the road,
Driving much faster with just half a load.
Then I heard him exclaim with great holiday cheer,
ENJOY WHAT YOU GOT
YOU'LL BE PAYING ALL YEAR!
"I was especialy pleased to see a cartoon in which President-elect Bush was unplugging a computer named 'AL 2000' singing 'Daisy, Daisy .' "
Authur C. Clark, author of 2001: A Space Odessy , in a recent CNN interview
"If you are a fan of delicious ironies, consider this:
"The government-owned office space that a year ago housed the U.S. Information cordination Center - the federal Y2K anti-disaster brain trust - is now the home of George W. Bush's presidential transition team."
Dave Addis, The Virginian Pilot
And just like then, we've got people saying this is the end of the world as we know it.