NASA gets indications of life on Mars:
It is not conclusive yet, but the NASA believes the Mars Pathfinder has found proof of life on Mars.
The CD player was stolen.
from "Space Jokes", originally from richard_vireday@ccm.jf.intel.com (richard vireday)
The homepage to the GOP convention, www.gopconvention.com , had a bit of a snafu. It stated "With just days remaining ... to open the GOP convention ...", right on opening day/
These guys may not be "behind the times" as their opponents keep branding, but their website sure is.
How true Mac owners see getting a PC :Click here
Got this in the email, Goofy Warning: "This one is so ridiculous its funny."
Subject: VIRUS WARNING!
HEADS UP THIS IS SERIOUS :)
If you receive an email entitled "Bad-times," delete it immediately. Do not >open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer through the use of subspace field harmonics.
It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will program your phone auto dial to call only your mother-in-law's number. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer. (For God's sake man are you listening?) It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all the while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card. It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye. It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings, which grossly change the interpretations of key sentences.
If the "Bad-times" message is opened in a Windows95/98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows; it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk. *********WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN.*********
from William J. Lee, author unknown
"What! You pretend to ask us to contribute to a work the object of which is to shorten a distance we find already too short?"
English Prime Minster Lord Palmerson, speaking on the idea of a cross-channel tunnel to France, 1858
"Nations are supposed to pay for their sins, but they pay an even higher price for their stupidities. And we deserve to pay it, for we have been very stupid, and have allowed ourselves to be frightened off from doing what was clearly to our advantage by the most absurd bogies, such as that we would be invaded through a rabbit burrow in the ground twenty-six miles long. I do not think national folly could rise higher than that."
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, best known for the Sherlock Holmes stories, speaking on the cross-channel tunnel to France being rejected.
Although this was refering just to the "Chunnel," much the same could be said about so much else.
You've all seen it before in one form or another, the dreaded 404 - File not found message. Most are just simply plain and annoying, but one site's found some that stand out: 404 Research Lab
Why is the new FBI mass e-mail snooper called "Carnivore?"
"E-mail-Eater" didn't have enough punch.
Harrison Ford, the guy who stared in movies such as, Star Wars and Indiana Jones , had a rather unusual encounter the other day.
On Table Mountain, Idaho, a woman hiking the way up became sick and dehydrated, and couldn't continue. Another hiker called for help, and none other answered than Harrison Ford in his helicopter (along with a medical tech).
Before they landed at a hospital, however, she threw up into the closest container: a hat.
Now THAT would have been a scene for an Indy movie.
Fun wth Role-Playing Games - Dungeons & Dragons, and others
Gamemaster: You fail to dodge the wolf lunging at you. It grabs hold of your leg (rolls dice), and you take four points of damage.
Player: Man, that just bites.
. . . . . . . . . .
In one game I was in, the lady gamemaster decided to introduce an "exotic romance." The player-characters had an encounter with some supernatural folk, which went well. One of the folk was a lady shapeshifter with an alternate "porcupine girl" form, with a coat of quills. She seemed to take interest in one of the male player-characters.
Later on, the player characters heard one of the folk was on her way to deliver a message: the "porcupine girl."
Knowing what was coming, the player remarked, "Looks like we're going to see if 'love hurts.' "
. . . . . . . . . .
In a "Star Wars" game, the players have captured several Imperials
Player: Who's the highest ranking among them?
Gamemaster: The highest ranking officer among them is a major.
Player: What's his name?
Gamemaster: When asked, he says his name is "Wynd."
Player: Fine. I'll interogate him.
Gamemaster: It takes some effort, but after a while, you're able to break Major Wynd.
(everyone laughs for over a minute)
. . . . . . . . . .
In a Medieval game I was in, one player with a rather overconfident, chauvanistic, and not too bright character, challenged one of the women player-characters, a fairly short one, to a fencing match. As expected, she countered every move of his with ease. Finally, he lost his temper and took a swing at her, not with his rapier, but with his fist. She ducked, and punched back at a slightly upward angle - right where it hurt the worst. Needless to say, he was down on the floor in agony, and my character, who was watching, had a good laugh before mercifully putting an end to the pain with a sleep spell.
My character loved to tease this hard-luck case. So the following day, he went to town and got a little present for the lady. He handed the "small token of your victory yesterday" to her when the group met for dinner - a silver nutcracker.
The butt of the joke saw this, and grumbled. His brother, who was there after being away for a day and hadn't heard of the fight, asked what was wrong. The hard luck player-character told him about the fencing match and he loosing his temper, "I tried to punch her and she hit me." The brother asked, "Hit you where?"
"WHY DO YOU THINK THAT'S A NUTCRACKER?!"
Recently, several White House workers were disclipined or reprimanded for browsing "innapropriate" sites during working hours.
No word whether any of them pulled up the porno site "whitehouse.com"
Lately, a number of localities are making laws against "innapropriate" use of cell-phones, especially while driving.
Simply put, misusing a cell phone can land you in a different kind of "cell."
"Hey Fred! Who was that lawyer on 'Star Trek?' "
"I don't think 'Star Trek' ever had a lawyer*."
"The future looks bright, don't it?"
* Actualy there was, but only in the original series.
Microsoft and Compaq are introducing a cheaper way to surf the net: the iPaq. It lacks a computer's programing abilities, but it boasts a much cheaper initial price.
Get on one of those hourly rate websurfing payment plans, however, and iPaq can easily turn into "U-Pay."
Microsoft has always been looking for talented workers, to the point they get lists of Apple employees and send recruitment e-mails to them.
It was an embarassment when one day, the CEO of Apple got an e-mail of Microsoft offering him a job.
Internesia the inability to recall the adress of a certain website.
from CNN dot com
When PC Loyalists attack
Q: How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
contributed by Kathy
A veterenarian gets a visit from a nervous cat owner.
Vet: Now what seems to be the problem?
Pet Owner: My cat ate my mouse.
Vet: I'm sorry about your mouse, but you do realize cats being carnivores will go after rodents, and -
Pet Owner: No, I mean my computer mouse!
Well, another oddball item's up for sale on the auction block on e-Bay.
Somebody's putting up his vote for sale - litterally!
I've heard of politicians buying votes, but this is the first I've heard of someone selling his,
outside Congress anyway.
Click here for the news article.
Found in the e-mail a few days ago:
You have just received the "Polish Virus"!!! As we don't have any programming experience, this virus works on the honor system. Please delete all the files on your hard drive, then manually forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list.
Thanks for your cooperation.
The Freshman Class of 2000:
Bottle caps have always been screw-off and plastic.
They have likely never played Pac-Man.
They may never have even heard of an 8-track.
Jay Leno has always been on the "Tonight Show."
There has been only one Pope.
The Vietnam War is as much ancient history as World Wars 1 and 2.
They don't know who Mork was, or where he came from.
There has always been MTV.
They think bell-bottoms are a new fashion discovery.
Elvis Presley and the E.R.A. have always been dead.
"M*A*S*H" has always been in reruns.
A ".45" is a gun, not a small record with a big hole in the center.
"The Day the Music Died" was Kurt Cobain's suicide.
Somebody named George Bush has been on every national ticket, minus one, since the day they were born.
From The Virginian Pilot