Mac or PC? The choice is finally clear.
Intel has recently run a commercial featuring Homer Simpson. He has his brain replaced with a Pentium chip; he is then able to design an advanced "super donut".
Apple just web-posted a video in which the HAL 9000 (from 2001: A Space Odyssey) extols the the Mac's Y2K readiness.
So it seems the choice is now: a PC with the brain of Homer Simpson, or a Mac recommended by an insane computer.
Now, where *did* I put that abacus...
from Eric & Maria's Internet Site
The Mouse Who Computed ....
[Passed from friend to friend to friend ...]
"My brother-in-law Jim is in computer maintenance at the Associated Grocers warehouse in Tukwila. Last week he got a call from one of the ladies in the office regarding problems with her computer and the mouse.
When he got there the lady kept insisting the mouse problem was inside the computer. Finally, to humor her he opened it up.
And out jumped the mouse.
AG no longer permits open slots in back of computers....
from kovar@eclectic.com on Best of RHF: Computer, Science and Math Jokes
A few days ago, Virginia became the first state in the nation to offer drivers, those who made one traffic ticket too many, an online driving class over the 'net: TrafficSchoolOnline.com
"For $49.95, you can take the driver improvment class on the Internet, at your own pace, then at any time of the day or night take the 30 minute online test at Kinko's copy shop."
One question comes to mind about the website - how well can it simulate the shady characters one would inevitably sit next to in a real driving school?
material from Virginian-Pilot
Trek Bumper Sticker: To Hell with the prime directive, I'm gonna kill something!
from Coolsig - Star Trek
What's reguarded as the ultimate anorchism gets a place on the most modern mass-media - The Flat Earth Society
"These guys are funnier to read about than scientologists! Of particular note, check out the FAQ and read the 'biblical evidence.' It make absolutely no sence whatsoever...."
from "Dan"
Top 10 signs you've watched too much Star Trek
ÊNumber 10: Ê You'll never find a comfortable position in your seat while watching big screen TV
Number 9: Ê You find yourself arguing with a bar tender when he told you he's never heard of "synthehol"
Number 8: Ê Your late to work excuse: Transporter failure
Number 7: Ê When your co-worker tells you the boss is coming, you shout: On screen!
Number 6: Ê You replace the date of every memo with a stardate
Number 5: Ê You named your new setup business USS Enterprise
Number 4: Ê You feel the remote control is too slow in switching channels and looking for the "level kill" setting
Number 3: Ê You try to solve any computer related problem by randomly pressing buttons
Number 2: Ê In stead of giving people a finger, you give tham a Vulcan sign
ÊAnd the number 1 sign that you've watched too much Star Trek is ...
Your car's license plate: NCC-1701
from "CatCat's Homepage"
Thought you were safe from viruses by turning off your computer and using your cell phone, think again.
A virus, modified to strike cell phones with data screens for things such as Internet, has appeared. For the moment, it only strikes phones using a certain Spanish frequency. But how long is that going to last?
Now one can't make a simple phone call without worrying about viruses!
"You got nailed. "
A play on the ubiquitous AOL greeting aimed at Bill Gates by Scott McNealy, the head of Sun Microsystems, a company attacked by Microsoft, after hearing of the Federal court decision to split Microsoft.
from IWON
Mowing Chickens
For years, chickens have been caught the same old way, chasing after the bird and grabbing it.
Perdue Farms decided to try something new recently. An English company was hired to take John Deer riding mowers, and modify them into chicken catchers. There are chutes and conveyor belts on both sides of the rider. On the front of each is a rolling barrel with rubbery "fingers." As it's driven through a chicken house, the rubber fingers guide the birds into the chutes, where they're placed in stackable boxes.
However, those rubber fingers from a distance away don't look so rubbery. This, with it's basic riding mower design, it looks like a giant lawnmower with spikes. Now is a chicken going to stand still with this thing heading toward it: BUCK-AWK!!
from Associated Press article
Things that Will Never Happen on Star Trek:
1. The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of the type it has encountered several times before.
2. The Enterprise goes to check up on a remote colony of scientists, who are all perfectly all right.
3. The Enterprise comes across a garden of Eden-like planet called "Paradise" where everyone is happy all the time. However, everything is soon revealed to be exactly as it seems.
4. The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new lifeform which turns out to be a familiar old lifeform wearing a funny hat.
5. The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a mysterious alien plague, for which the cure is found in the well stocked sick bay.
6. An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface with the Enterprise's computer, only to find that it has bought the wrong leads.
7. A power surge on the bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as faulty capacitor by the Enterprise's well trained and highly competent engineering staff.
8. A power surge on the bridge fails to electrocute the user of a computer panel due to a sophisticated, 24th century surge protection device called a "fuse."
9. The Enterprise ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without serious incident.
10. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien lifeform which does not put them on trial.
11. The Enterprise separates as soon as there is any danger.
12. The Enterprise gets involved in an enigmatic, strange and dangerous situation, and there are no pesky aliens they can blame it on in the end.
13. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien life form which they quickly pacify by offering it sweeties.
14. The enterprise is involved in some bizarre time warp phenomenon, which is in some way unconnected with the 20th century.
15. Somebody takes a shuttle out and it doesn't explode or crash.
16. A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but fortunately some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction.
17. The shields of the Enterprise stay up during a battle.
18. The enterprise visits the Klingon Home World on a bright, sunny day.
19. An attempt at undermining the Klingon Federation Alliance is discovered without anyone noting that such an attempt, if successful, would represent a fundamental shift of power throughout the quadrant.
20. A major character spends an entire episode in the holodeck without a single malfunction trapping him/her there.
21. Picard hears the door chime and doesn't bother to say "come."
22. Picard walks up to the replicator and says "Coke on ice."
23. Counselor Troi states something other than the blindingly obvious.
24. Mood rings come back in style, jeopardizing Counselor Troi's position.
25. Worf and Troi finally decide to get married, only to have Kate Pulaski show up and disrupt the wedding by shouting, "Did he read you love poetry? Did he serve you poisonous tea? He's mine!"
contributed by TKilye
A new pill is coming out to treat a disease that according to experts afflicts numerous Americans ...
"Compulsive Shopping Disorder."
Related to Prozac, this new drug is supposed to relieve the systems of this compulsion to shop that has supposedly been increasing in cases with the booming economy.
One would think there would be a cheaper solution to the pill - siscors, to cut the credit cards.
I hope I never get this bonkers about net surfing, let alone e-mail: http://hee-hee.com/pg1pi33.asp?RG=1&RI=83
from Jokeseveryday
Once again, there's another Internet Virus on the loose - "stages".
Seems like we're loosing our sense of safety on the 'net in stages.
Student to Teacher: A computer virus ate my homework.
from heehee.com
Corporate Peeping Toms
It was recently revealed that a major corporation was spying on one certain group of it's customers - children.
The Matel corporation put some secret software programs in childrens' games it then sold. The programs gathered info on the kids, and when the computers went online they transmitted the info to Matel, who among other things used it to send targeted advertisments to them over e-mail.
A law against this sort of thing was passed in April. Naturally, the company says they stopped using the programs then.
Perhaps this is what the "tel" in Matel means.
There is a new virus going around called WORK. If you receive
any sort of WORK, whether via e-mail, Internet, or simply
handed to you by a colleague, do not open it. Those who have
opened WORK have found that their social life is deleted and
their brain ceases to function properly.
If you do encounter WORK via e-mail or are faced with any
WORK at all, purge the virus by sending an e-mail to your
boss with the words 'This is too much for me, I'm going out for
a soda. This better not be here when I get back.'
Your brain should automatically delete the WORK. If you
receive WORK in paper document form, simply lift the
document and drag the WORK to your trash can.
Send this message to all your friends in your address book. If
you do not have anyone in your address book, then the
WORK virus has already corrupted your life!
contributed by Virginia McCluney
"We have turned this case over to our 'X-files' department."
David Botkins, spokesman for Virginia's Attorney General, commenting about a lawsuit against Governor Gilmore to get a government inquiry on UFO activity in Virginia.
Virginian-Pilot page B-5 6/26/2000
"Coming soon to your computer: a Web site that will make available at the click of a mouse every online resource offered by the U.S. federal government. Its name will be firstgov.gov, and it will be created in 90 days or less, President Clinton said on Saturday."
The way government usually works maybe some alternate names should be suggested.
Such as bigbrother.gov
Or maybe taxudry.gov
maybe porkbarrel.gov
and with politicians so often doing the same thing as predecessors, business-as-usual.gov
from article on IWON
Blonde: I don't understand all the hoopla over this "Human Genome Project." Like, I thought all jeans were for humans, and guys knew what they were made outta.
Hey guys, ever get anything like one of these (got this one a couple months ago):
s w
Well, an official-looking e-mail like that was sent out by a couple kids, which asked for credit card numbers from AOL members. The juvenile delinquents used the numbers to live it up on Playstation and Dreamcast games and then were finally caught.
So what was the first sign this was a scheme?
These "AOL" letters were sent over a competing Internet service provider.